The Four Loves
Start with: Bible wasn't written in English. New testament was written in Greek. Some things are lost in translation - CS Lewis' book the Four Loves attempts to bring to the surface one of these things.
Brief overview of Lewis' position of the four loves that exist in the scriptures...
Then dive in depth into friendship.
"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another." (John 13:35, NIV)????? Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8, ESV)
CONSIDER: Name each love, describe it, give an example from scripture, and note how it can "go bad". Note that each is topped off with Agape to prevent the love from going bad. Discuss Agape, then jump back into friendship in depth, with questions to answer.
He talks about especially how society has nearly lost the concept of Philia (brotherly love), to the point of completely conflating it with Eros. This is shown in how the friendship of Sam and Frodo is often the butt of homosexual jokes, and likewise David and Jonathan in the Old Testament. There are many reasons for this, but one (according to the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis) is simply that our society lacks words to make distinctions among these loves, and that influences us as a society to conflate them.
- Song, "Jesus, I'm so in love with you", which love is it speaking of?
Romans 12:10 [philostorgos] Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Examples abound in Scripture, such as in John 11:1-44 between siblings Martha, Mary, and Lazarus (whom Jesus raised).
Affection can 'go bad' when it is corrupted by jealousy, ambivalence, and smothering.
Eros (romantic love)
Eros is the romantic love, or the state of "being in love".
Portrayed in Song of Solomon in the Old Testament.
Eros frequently goes bad due to a modern tendency for Eros to become a god to people who fully submit themselves to it.
Lewis contrasts Eros with the raw sexuality of what he called Venus: the illustration Lewis used was the distinction between "wanting a woman" and wanting one particular woman – something that matched his (classical) view of man as a rational animal, a composite both of reasoning angel and instinctual alley-cat.
Philia (brotherly love, close friendship)
Philia is the friendship love - the strong bond existing between people who share common values, interests, or activities. Lewis differentiates philia from the other loves, as philia is "the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious and necessary...the least natural of loves". Our species does not need friendship in order to reproduce, but to the classical and medieval worlds it is a higher-level love because it is freely chosen.
Lewis explains that true friendships, like the friendship between David and Jonathan in the Bible, are almost a lost art. He expresses a strong distaste for the way modern society ignores friendship. He notes that he cannot remember any poem that celebrated true friendship like that between David and Jonathan, Orestes and Pylades, Roland and Oliver, Amis and Amiles. Lewis goes on to say, "to the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it".
Growing out of companionship, friendship for Lewis was a deeply appreciative love, though one which he felt few people in modern society could value at its worth, because so few actually experienced true friendship.
In addition to the example of David and Jonathan in the Bible, the Greek word philia is used to describes Jesus' relationship with specifically ONE of his 12 disciples. Do you know which one?
John 20:2 [ephilei] So she ran and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, "They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him."
It's interesting that we see Jesus had many disciples, and he had 12 apostles, and within the 12 he had an 'inner' group of 3 Apostles with whom he was especially close - Peter and the sons of Zebedee, James and John. These 3 saw him transfigured on the mountain (Matthew 17:1-2) and were the ones whom Jesus shared his sorrow with in the garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-38). Of those 3, one (John) is the one whom scripture identifies as "the one whom Jesus loved", philia - distinguishing him even from Peter, who was in Christ's inner circle.
Philia has numerous dangers, such as its potential for cliquiness, anti-authoritarianism and pride.
Agape (unconditional love)
Agape (also called Charity) is the love that exists regardless of changing circumstances. Lewis recognizes this selfless love as the greatest of the four loves, and sees it as a specifically Christian virtue to achieve. The chapter on the subject focuses on the need to subordinate the other three natural loves – as Lewis puts it, "The natural loves are not self-sufficient" – to the love of God, who is full of charitable love, to prevent what he termed their "demonic" self-aggrandizement. 1 John 4:8 "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."